About apollojon : Gotta love reading Fml to kill time. Feel free to message me.. i like meeting new people, especially funny ones haha :D
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apollojon's favorite FMLs
Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML
by help me / 06/01/2014 at 11:51am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
by Fat Arsed Lass / 06/01/2014 at 6:28am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 1:53pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 1:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 3:35am / Intimacy
by hhhhhhhpeterwut / 02/18/2013 at 10:21pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML
by assoutofuandme / 02/14/2013 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 5:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by okay then / 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking to my dorm room while it was snowing heavily. I saw a girl in a wheelchair trying to get up a slippery incline. Being a good person, I asked to help. I'm a pretty weak guy, and I couldn't push her up. She wheeled away crying because she thought she was fat. FML
by IMadeAHandicappedPersonCry / 02/12/2013 at 11:57pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, for the second time in two months, the person in the bathroom stall next to me commented on how loud I pee. This time, she made racehorse noises. I'm now too self-conscious to pee in public again. FML
by likearacehorse / 02/12/2013 at 5:58pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Doggotmytongue / 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals