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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
I agree, their lives suck
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ankafi's favorite FMLs
by MaddyN / 07/08/2014 at 12:26am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by Congrats to me / 05/24/2014 at 7:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
by Anonymous / 04/30/2014 at 1:17am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML
by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude / 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am not a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2014 at 5:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by pablito / 04/17/2014 at 6:37am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Animals
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
by Cuntlette / 04/11/2014 at 12:38pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML
by war_monkey / 04/10/2014 at 8:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML
by armtits and big pits / 04/05/2014 at 3:14am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by LeChameauTrisomique / 03/14/2014 at 12:33am / France (Centre) / Work
by are you kidding me? / 03/10/2014 at 4:22am / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
by cunning glassist / 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by FMLkoala / 03/03/2014 at 2:43am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by ouch / 03/02/2014 at 3:44am / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML
by I must suck at singing / 02/17/2014 at 7:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, due to a spate of burglaries, I updated the security on my house. Latches, locks, gates, I…