andrewturtle

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Offline (the 02/10/2016 at 2:44am)

andrewturtle

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 671
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About andrewturtle : Hey there,

I'm Asian and I'm Aussie! So what am I?

A BANANA!!!

andrewturtle's page activity

Visits<b>wheresmymary</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 11:47pm<b>Allusivness</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 2:30am<b>stingray112</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 8:44am<b>DiamondGirlj</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 2:02am<b>justaguywhy</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 7:52pm<b>The_Sphee</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 11:23pm<b>Eyeslick</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 12:02pm<b>slavegirl1010</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 5:37am<b>a_wiener_d0g</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 11:42am<b>Larissa24</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 11:24am<b>omgbrainZ</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 9:18pm<b>DarrenLamar7</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 12:40am<b>KazuTrumpet1512</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 2:26am<b>lexxilouuu</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 3:19pm<b>MatthewK</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 2:02pm<b>hunteryager</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 12:39pm<b>lilmrsbelle</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 10:51am<b>Ytharr_Taaz</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 10:31am

andrewturtle's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of andrewturtle's badges

andrewturtle's favorite FMLs

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2014 at 10:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

by 404: sense not found / 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2014 at 9:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

by ashamedklutz / 02/21/2014 at 7:20pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Work

Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2014 at 12:37pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

by extra crispy or original recipe / 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

by waymoreiwanted / 02/14/2014 at 10:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I watched the Sochi Winter Games online. Excited by an athlete's victory, I yelled out, "YEAH!" to 20-or-so silent coworkers. As if to redeem myself, I then said, "Don't pretend like you're all working you lot!" Our boss was right behind me. FML

by Anonyme / 02/12/2014 at 4:47am / Work

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2014 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Love

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

by fuckoffgran / 08/01/2013 at 10:46am / Ireland / Miscellaneous

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

by JustSomeGuy / 07/29/2013 at 11:43pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my dentist dropped dead of a heart attack. This depressing event was made worse by the fact that he collapsed while his hands were in my mouth. FML

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having a great time shopping with my gran, until she started complaining about all the foreigners ruining our town, and counting each person who didn't look 100% British. It wouldn't even have been so bad if I wasn't adopted into the family, from Russia. FML

by Foreigner / 08/01/2011 at 11:05am / Jersey / Miscellaneous