andadadada

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Offline (the 08/17/2015 at 2:36pm)

andadadada

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 558
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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andadadada's favorite FMLs

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

by tw@ / 09/28/2014 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2014 at 5:07pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

by RuinedTheMood / 09/21/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, after a long silent and awkward pause after asking my girlfriend's dad if I can take her on holiday for Christmas, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, you may not impregnate my daughter." FML

by Dafuq happen there / 08/23/2014 at 3:34am / South Africa / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

by gag reflex / 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

by jackie89 / 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Intimacy

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2009 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Geek