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amysousa's FML badges
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200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
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amysousa's favorite FMLs
Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML
by incestastic / 08/14/2010 at 7:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
by Indigo_Kitten / 08/07/2010 at 9:05pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML
by betrayed / 07/19/2010 at 1:36pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by reckless / 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Camille / 07/13/2010 at 8:02pm / United States (Maine) / Work
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
by gibsonSG323 / 06/14/2010 at 7:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
by Fark / 05/27/2010 at 6:50pm / United Kingdom (Cumbria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He says "yeah well you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML
by fu2then / 03/09/2010 at 1:04am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love
Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML
by whathef???? / 02/13/2010 at 1:51am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 2:51am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by grosssss / 01/01/2010 at 8:03am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/21/2009 at 4:33am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 8:27am / United States (Florida) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 3:55pm / United States / Work
Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She just cut my sister's hair. FML
by hairdresser / 10/18/2009 at 11:27am / Thailand (Krung Thep) / Kids