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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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amykillswitch

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amykillswitch
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 39479
  • Number of comments : 169
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About amykillswitch : You should read your Bible, sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there. Like, did you know Jesus was a Jew?

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amykillswitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

#3078532 (70)

I agree, your life sucks (31345) - you deserved it (7737)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by yuck (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, was my boyfriends birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

#3078421 (383)

I agree, your life sucks (49825) - you deserved it (19634)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML

#3074596 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (32695) - you deserved it (11477)

On 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm - misc - by meantowheels (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

#3068602 (133)

I agree, your life sucks (54692) - you deserved it (2529)

On 06/20/2009 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by desocrates (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

#3051580 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (46528) - you deserved it (2104)

On 06/20/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by Dumbass - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

#2966896 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (21676) - you deserved it (48305)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by NotSoYoung (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

#2964628 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (41268) - you deserved it (15820)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

#2912753 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (37378) - you deserved it (2864)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML

#2834674 (280)

I agree, your life sucks (16206) - you deserved it (58975)

On 06/12/2009 at 4:45pm - money - by beatenbyabum (man) - United States (Georgia)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (73321) - you deserved it (13616)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494 (859)

I agree, your life sucks (85957) - you deserved it (50908)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall, when a homeless man came in mumbling to himself. Out of the 7 available urinals, he posted up at the one right beside me. Apparently he didn't get the memo that urinals aren't used to shit in. He talked to me the entire time. About his love life. FML

#2740544 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (51834) - you deserved it (2526)

On 06/09/2009 at 12:13pm - misc - by blah (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (69769) - you deserved it (14574)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML

#2691661 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (60528) - you deserved it (6592)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:07pm - intimacy - by Person (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML

#2671287 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (51230) - you deserved it (4538)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)