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amykillswitch

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amykillswitch

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 40997
  • Number of comments : 169
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About amykillswitch : You should read your Bible, sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there. Like, did you know Jesus was a Jew?

amykillswitch's page activity

Visits<b>gunzerker</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 6:11pm<b>abbythemuffin</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 4:21pm<b>abattior</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 6:08pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 1:28pm<b>hailstorm187</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 8:11pm<b>OneThingRemains</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 2:50am<b>bigruebs</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 4:00pm<b>MissEris</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 7:51am<b>trentask</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 10:41pm<b>gingerJ</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 8:10am<b>Broadway_Vayne</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 10:09am<b>Bullet75</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 6:58pm<b>Damafia</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 12:48pm<b>Agent_Oreo</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 1:24pm<b>dafuck_15</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 11:49pm<b>Cbarth356</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 3:37pm<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 3:30pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 1:06am

amykillswitch's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

amykillswitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

#3078532
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38922) - you deserved it (10811)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by yuck (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

#3078421
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59397) - you deserved it (25662)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

#3068602
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63756) - you deserved it (3558)

On 06/20/2009 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by desocrates (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

#2966896
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27954) - you deserved it (64482)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by NotSoYoung (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

#2964628
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48880) - you deserved it (20778)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

#2912753
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45700) - you deserved it (4258)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94687) - you deserved it (19987)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
819 comments

I agree, your life sucks (119495) - you deserved it (73977)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83950) - you deserved it (20416)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML

#2671287
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65230) - you deserved it (6637)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

#2660481
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55753) - you deserved it (12331)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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