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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted, "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25299) - you deserved it (927)
On 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend was coming home after a month of being away. When I heard him knock on the door, I rushed to open it and jumped into his arms for a hug. It wasn't him; it was the mailman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15194) - you deserved it (4766)
On 08/17/2012 at 12:08am - love - by SquishFish - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16805) - you deserved it (2547)
On 08/01/2012 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20470) - you deserved it (1384)
On 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm - work - by justlittleoldme - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26726) - you deserved it (1442)
Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13935) - you deserved it (4989)
On 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22929) - you deserved it (3474)
On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18845) - you deserved it (2692)
On 06/30/2012 at 2:49am - animals - by BloodFaerie (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23070) - you deserved it (2056)
On 06/18/2012 at 7:38am - misc - by DwarfFrog - United States
Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is she slept with my fiancé. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37902) - you deserved it (1740)
On 06/16/2012 at 3:03pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24440) - you deserved it (2961)
On 06/15/2012 at 8:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29515) - you deserved it (2878)
Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17242) - you deserved it (2807)
On 06/15/2012 at 1:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34120) - you deserved it (2875)
On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)
Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21082) - you deserved it (2468)
On 06/11/2012 at 11:56pm - misc - by JohnBlack (man) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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