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amherta505

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amherta505

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amherta505's FML badges

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You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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amherta505's favorite FMLs

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37099) - you deserved it (16371)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35764) - you deserved it (3655)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40574) - you deserved it (5671)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

#21258796
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35517) - you deserved it (3345)

On 09/15/2014 at 1:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42119) - you deserved it (11732)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML

#21153154
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43284) - you deserved it (4531)

On 05/27/2014 at 7:15am - animals - by Holyguacamoly (woman) - Iceland

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

#21142020
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42631) - you deserved it (9090)

On 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

#21110801
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52551) - you deserved it (7740)

On 04/12/2014 at 1:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

#21099196
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44691) - you deserved it (3802)

On 03/29/2014 at 6:34am - work - by bringthemback (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

#21090158
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42054) - you deserved it (3718)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after years of counseling and therapy for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

#21051812
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44538) - you deserved it (13320)

On 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm - misc - by tigerisabelle (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I hacked into my best friend's Facebook account to message my mother about organizing a surprise party for myself for my 21st. She ignored the message for two days before replying, "I don't think so. No one would really show up and I think that would hurt her feelings." FML

#21029577
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44969) - you deserved it (18923)

On 01/16/2014 at 6:45am - misc - by nolovefor21 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I sang "happy birthday" to my best friend. Sadly, it was while waitressing at work, where they were having a celebration I hadn't been invited to in the first place. FML

#21024621
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50617) - you deserved it (3807)

On 01/11/2014 at 3:26pm - misc - by left out - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

#21022635
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52509) - you deserved it (4762)

On 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by ReallyMom - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

#21021758
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47053) - you deserved it (4504)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by loganHchrist - Canada (Manitoba)



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Thursday 22 January 2015

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