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amherta505

Offline (the 03/28/2015 at 4:45am) | Search for a member

amherta505

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1531
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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amherta505's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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amherta505's favorite FMLs

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML

#21297662
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42801) - you deserved it (3182)

On 11/12/2014 at 12:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Redcar and Cleveland)

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

#21290313
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35569) - you deserved it (3153)

On 11/02/2014 at 6:28am - health - by smellyhair - United Kingdom

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49329) - you deserved it (3482)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

#21284275
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37731) - you deserved it (10989)

On 10/24/2014 at 6:54am - intimacy - by too good - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

#21272968
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31779) - you deserved it (2528)

On 10/07/2014 at 6:15pm - misc - by epic174 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40425) - you deserved it (18329)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37299) - you deserved it (3914)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44676) - you deserved it (7031)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

#21258796
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35625) - you deserved it (3352)

On 09/15/2014 at 1:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42204) - you deserved it (11770)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML

#21153154
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43413) - you deserved it (4537)

On 05/27/2014 at 7:15am - animals - by Holyguacamoly (woman) - Iceland

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

#21142020
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42684) - you deserved it (9106)

On 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

#21110801
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52743) - you deserved it (7760)

On 04/12/2014 at 1:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

#21099196
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44801) - you deserved it (3811)

On 03/29/2014 at 6:34am - work - by bringthemback (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

#21090158
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42142) - you deserved it (3724)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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