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amherta505

Offline (the 03/28/2015 at 4:45am) | Search for a member

amherta505

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1621
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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amherta505's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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amherta505's favorite FMLs

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

#21365913
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31397) - you deserved it (6525)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by love and tolerape, apparently (man) - India (Jharkhand)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for another girl, via a text message ending with "No hard feelings. Well xcept 4 my cock obvs. ;)" Fuck you, Rick. FML

#21365892
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34315) - you deserved it (2588)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

#21365639
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30722) - you deserved it (3338)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by mszoe - United States (California)

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

#21351381
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49834) - you deserved it (4207)

On 02/07/2015 at 6:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

#21346857
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38623) - you deserved it (4158)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

#21317815
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31103) - you deserved it (8232)

On 12/15/2014 at 6:59am - love - by LonelyGuy (man) - Australia

Today, my new friend tried to introduce me to "American Culture," as I am new to the city. He explained what a hamburger is and how it differs from the Asian food I was used to eating. I moved from Seattle and have worked at Burger King. FML

#21317624
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34504) - you deserved it (2761)

On 12/14/2014 at 10:30pm - misc - by AsianSensation (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my work department set a new sales record, something not done in nearly 30 years. It's corporate policy to give a bonus to each worker responsible as a reward. Our manager decided our "bonuses" would be plastic medals from Dollar Tree. He didn't even buy enough for everybody. FML

#21311945
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32475) - you deserved it (2216)

On 12/05/2014 at 10:44am - work - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML

#21310827
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37593) - you deserved it (3571)

On 12/03/2014 at 4:21pm - work - by WTF - United States (Texas)

Today, I still didn't feel quite awake after the first lesson at school, so I went to get a cup of coffee from the vending machine. I had just enough money for it. No cup dropped into the holder, and the whole thing poured straight into the drip tray while I watched. FML

#21310620
84 comments

Today, my little sister asked if she could play on my laptop, but I said no because I was writing an essay for school. She then bit herself hard and showed the mark to our parents, saying I did it. As they bitched me out, my sister got on my laptop and deleted my half-finished essay. FML

Today, the girl I'd been dating online for 6 months told me she was a guy. I said it was alright, and that I was still in love. Then she confessed she really was a girl, and was just trying to make me dump her so she wouldn't be the "bad guy". FML

#21303306
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36127) - you deserved it (6558)

On 11/21/2014 at 1:18pm - love - by Recluse (man) -

Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML

#21302690
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31805) - you deserved it (3603)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:20am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

#21298328
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36709) - you deserved it (2362)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:17pm - misc - by really - Canada (Alberta)



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