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amherta505

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amherta505

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  • Number of visits : 853
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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amherta505's FML badges

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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amherta505's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

#21284275
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2277) - you deserved it (641)

On 10/24/2014 at 6:54am - intimacy - by too good - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I missed work for the third time this week. My dog gets lonely when I'm away and has found out how to shut off my alarm clock. FML

#21273263
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33730) - you deserved it (4897)

On 10/08/2014 at 12:21am - animals - by fckUrex - United States (California)

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

#21272968
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30528) - you deserved it (2237)

On 10/07/2014 at 6:15pm - misc - by epic174 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35201) - you deserved it (15772)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35629) - you deserved it (3641)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38905) - you deserved it (5553)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

#21258796
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35361) - you deserved it (3330)

On 09/15/2014 at 1:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41924) - you deserved it (11671)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML

#21153154
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42024) - you deserved it (4396)

On 05/27/2014 at 7:15am - animals - by Holyguacamoly (woman) - Iceland

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

#21142020
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42547) - you deserved it (9074)

On 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

#21110801
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50424) - you deserved it (7438)

On 04/12/2014 at 1:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

#21099196
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44586) - you deserved it (3796)

On 03/29/2014 at 6:34am - work - by bringthemback (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

#21090158
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41483) - you deserved it (3672)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after years of counseling and therapy for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

#21051812
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44483) - you deserved it (13296)

On 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm - misc - by tigerisabelle (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I hacked into my best friend's Facebook account to message my mother about organizing a surprise party for myself for my 21st. She ignored the message for two days before replying, "I don't think so. No one would really show up and I think that would hurt her feelings." FML

#21029577
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43847) - you deserved it (18451)

On 01/16/2014 at 6:45am - misc - by nolovefor21 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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