About amelia_suhayda : I like cooking, music, hockey, and schadenfreude.
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
amelia_suhayda's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to take my daughter to the ER. Her brother had bet she couldn't go the whole day without talking. So to win the bet, she tried to super-glue her lips together so she couldn't accidentally say anything. FML
by 1010110100101101 / 06/19/2015 at 12:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML
by HURP / 06/17/2015 at 11:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation
Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2015 at 10:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by poorlyparented / 06/16/2015 at 8:05am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by _kyleG_ / 06/16/2015 at 1:54am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 10:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 8:42am / United States (Maryland) / Money
Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML
by silverspud / 06/12/2015 at 9:22pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Pattie / 06/12/2015 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 1:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2015 at 10:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I arrived at the salon to get my hair done for prom. The lady at the front desk insisted I didn't have an appointment. After looking back on my recent calls, it turned out I called the wrong number and whatever asshole was on the other line played along. FML
by Badhairday / 06/11/2015 at 7:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by what / 06/11/2015 at 6:46pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2015 at 5:20pm / United States (Montana) / Intimacy
by lolatmylovelife / 06/11/2015 at 4:51pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy