About amelia_suhayda : I like cooking, music, hockey, and schadenfreude.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
amelia_suhayda's favorite FMLs
Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous
by padthaimeanoose / 07/18/2015 at 11:29pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML
by Anonymous / 07/18/2015 at 1:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, a girl called me a racist, stereotyping asshole. All I did was ask a kid who happens to be Asian to tutor me in math. Which I didn't do just because he's Asian, but rather because he's in college and is actually a brilliant mathematician. FML
by yep, she does have a tumblr / 07/17/2015 at 10:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by AK-47 / 07/17/2015 at 7:04pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML
by raquel / 07/17/2015 at 12:40pm / United States / Money
by TheDarth / 07/16/2015 at 6:47pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML
by anonymous / 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Andrew / 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML
by ow my kidneys / 07/14/2015 at 6:33am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Miscellaneous
by Lukey1028 / 07/13/2015 at 9:07pm / United States (California) / Work
by 4am blues / 07/13/2015 at 12:39am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Steve97 / 07/13/2015 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Love
by retail hell / 07/12/2015 at 9:11am / United States (Connecticut) / Work