About amelia_suhayda : I like cooking, music, hockey, and schadenfreude.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
amelia_suhayda's favorite FMLs
by CollegeKid / 10/27/2015 at 6:28am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by snydeeli000 / 10/26/2015 at 11:41pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, my two moms were telling some fairly obscene jokes about their sex life. When I told them to stop making such vulgar jokes, they turned to me and said, "What makes you think we were joking?" They then clarified that they were in fact being completely serious. FML
by erase_my_ears / 10/26/2015 at 10:41pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I respectfully asked my landlady if he could stay with me until he gets back on his feet. He was robbed at gunpoint in his house last night. Landlady then yelled because we aren't married, and then showed up at my door at 10pm, "just making sure John isn't here". FML
by Leyla / 10/26/2015 at 9:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 10:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 7:46pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, at a family reunion, my grandpa loudly said that I look like "a cheap Vegas whore" because of my heavy purple eye-shadow. I could tell that a few other people agreed. I was too embarrassed to explain that the "eye-shadow" was just dark circles. FML
by Anonymous / 10/23/2015 at 9:32pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my best friend with his hand down my girlfriend's pants and her moaning for him to "keep going". She had the brass balls to claim she had a "tummy ache" and that he was just rubbing her stomach better. I may be a total dumbass, but I'm not THAT stupid. FML
by Anonymous / 10/23/2015 at 4:10pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Intimacy
by idontmakethedresscode / 10/23/2015 at 4:17am / United States (California) / Work
by sniffmyzebra / 10/20/2015 at 3:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2015 at 8:57pm / United States (Kansas) / Love
Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML
by badtasteinmen / 10/15/2015 at 2:19pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, I learned that your crotch can just light up on the body scanner in the airport for no apparent reason; and when that happens, a thorough pat down of that area will be performed by a confused security officer. FML
by Traveler / 10/08/2015 at 10:06pm / Miscellaneous
by steam_engenius / 10/04/2015 at 2:11pm / United States (Nevada) / Health