Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

amc597

Offline (the 07/22/2014 at 1:06am) | Search for a member

amc597

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 21 May 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1022
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

amc597's page activity

Visits<b>jmann8811</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 3:02pm<b>Wrex</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 7:53am<b>CowTippingDwarfs</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 3:34am<b>mikeyj257</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 10:10am<b>Pepn_Fresh</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 7:14am<b>Iateacookie</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 1:04am<b>hiitsmeeeeeee</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 8:54pm<b>subhaan786</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 4:37pm<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 1:16pm<b>mystery_user</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 12:16pm<b>texashater75</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 12:11pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:08pm<b>JRT1393</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 11:40am<b>olpally</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 10:35pm<b>jdjackdaniel4</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 3:16pm<b>xXHollowIchigoXx</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 1:44am<b>persianninja</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 6:46am<b>GuyNoOneKnows</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 9:46pm

amc597's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of amc597's badges

amc597's favorite FMLs

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51891) - you deserved it (4562)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46546) - you deserved it (6071)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

#21124489
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36507) - you deserved it (4569)

On 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm - misc - by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47221) - you deserved it (10423)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

Today, a customer at work pronounced the word "Asian" as "Ah-See-Awn" when ordering a salad. I wasn't allowed to say anything. FML

#21065187
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34505) - you deserved it (3837)

On 02/19/2014 at 1:24am - work - by PaneraSucks - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

#21061796
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38664) - you deserved it (8519)

On 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm - animals - by unloved cat owner - United States (California)

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49293) - you deserved it (9277)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55956) - you deserved it (5626)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

#20985559
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48291) - you deserved it (4569)

On 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by mistletoe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

#20900810
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33858) - you deserved it (4427)

On 09/29/2013 at 5:12pm - work - by Nice Melons (woman) - United States

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58244) - you deserved it (12178)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

#20777221
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55495) - you deserved it (4329)

On 07/12/2013 at 3:22am - misc - by ouch (man) - United States

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

#20775868
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57642) - you deserved it (6810)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: