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alyssawatters's favorite FMLs
by SimG / 07/07/2013 at 8:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML
by hotelbound / 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML
by LadySteveMartin / 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML
by haku4u / 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm / United States (Florida) / Money
by madiison09 / 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm / United States (California) / Kids
by soontobesingle / 03/27/2013 at 3:55pm / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Love
Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML
by InfamousLastWord / 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 12:54pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays
Today, after my boyfriend promised he wasn't cheating on me, I ran into him at our favorite coffee shop with the girl I suspected him of cheating with. When I confronted them, he acted like he didn't know me. FML
by Megan / 03/26/2013 at 3:04pm / United States / Love
by Candycane88 / 03/26/2013 at 10:12am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML
by SwinginSolo / 03/26/2013 at 8:07am / United States / Intimacy
by bear / 03/26/2013 at 7:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…