About ally_anonymous : Haaayio.
I'm Alyssa.
I bet you like getting checked out from all those fat chicks online. I bet it makes you feel nice
FML is kinda my obsession.
I check it 3,4 times a day. Or more..
Hit me up brah'
I'll get at cha'
|̲̅●̲̅̅=̲̅●̅] ♪♫
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja
You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18461) - you deserved it (5347)
On 01/05/2013 at 12:30am - love - by VampObsessed - United States (Texas)
Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9968) - you deserved it (30482)
On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States
Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36049) - you deserved it (1847)
On 12/29/2012 at 3:25am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19114) - you deserved it (1479)
On 12/15/2012 at 7:46pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19361) - you deserved it (4300)
On 12/10/2012 at 5:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan)
Today, a few of my friends and I went laser tagging. I had been smart enough to wear black since I know white glows in the dark. Unfortunately, the dandruff glowing in my hair gave me away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14066) - you deserved it (5651)
On 11/27/2012 at 12:06am - misc - by tarlyo2012 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62517) - you deserved it (6323)
On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21428) - you deserved it (3307)
On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24243) - you deserved it (1496)
On 09/20/2012 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by MistressSuzuka (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29411) - you deserved it (7938) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version
Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6855) - you deserved it (107101)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22104) - you deserved it (11910)
On 08/10/2012 at 1:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Europe
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29039) - you deserved it (3192)
On 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm - intimacy - by checkup (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14215) - you deserved it (31261)
On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
I agree, your life sucks (29247) - you deserved it (6968)
On 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Friday 24 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
