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Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as a walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23493) - you deserved it (6310)
On 11/27/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by fartlover (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I found out that the plant in my kitchen that I have been watering for almost 2 years is fake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7260) - you deserved it (36874)
On 11/25/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by IlikeGreenPlants (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19964) - you deserved it (5291)
On 11/13/2009 at 7:57am - misc - by joeheathen (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8056) - you deserved it (3207)
On 11/07/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by munnyfish (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35955) - you deserved it (2522)
On 10/17/2009 at 10:25pm - love - by userrrrr - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went our school's football game against their rival team. Before the games started, I got my school's logo painted on my face. After nearly 5 hours of watching the game, I went home to wash the paint off my face, only to find the logo had been sunburned onto my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10260) - you deserved it (22597)
On 09/25/2009 at 6:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to my Russian language class after days of being sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. I said "like shit." I didn't know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was "feeling like I was in the process of defacating." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8410) - you deserved it (24090)
On 09/25/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by rebel_rose (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54446) - you deserved it (3021)
On 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by benander (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54619) - you deserved it (12513)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54619) - you deserved it (12513)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was working in a warehouse where fellow employees were kicking empty boxes around. Seeing a box, I got running distance and kicked it as hard as I could, only to look up in horror to see that I had kicked into our CEO's face. I still had both my arms up in score mode. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8491) - you deserved it (40109)
On 08/10/2009 at 12:03am - work - by zwillywilly (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37664) - you deserved it (61592)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11482) - you deserved it (37585)
On 08/04/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by jkon (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54723) - you deserved it (11471)
On 08/02/2009 at 12:21am - love - by thefailure (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12246) - you deserved it (37573)
On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Friday 24 May 2013
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