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allie2590's favorite FMLs
by PerfectTiming / 07/08/2013 at 7:19am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Animals
by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Dingbat / 06/13/2013 at 7:59pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML
by Hannah / 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Thurrock) / Miscellaneous
Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML
by pool party / 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
by Amber / 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
by ADickySituation / 05/05/2013 at 12:14am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
by Skyler / 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML
by reallythough / 04/13/2013 at 2:07pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous
by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by dancekat / 04/08/2013 at 5:17am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,…