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allie2590's favorite FMLs
Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML
by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Cian_1 / 11/25/2013 at 6:22am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Health
by Catcrap! / 11/18/2013 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/10/2013 at 2:49am / United States / Kids
by Puppy problems / 10/26/2013 at 9:23pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML
by my gran is a cuntwaffle / 09/26/2013 at 4:36pm / United Kingdom / Love
by mandm / 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2013 at 1:18am / United States / Kids
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML
by interphaseprophasemetaphase / 09/04/2013 at 7:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by NoNotCats =^._.^= / 09/03/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Arizona) / Health
by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked "who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door: "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML
by thanks, dad... / 08/30/2013 at 1:24pm / Romania (Maramures) / Kids
Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML
by Baustigt / 08/22/2013 at 10:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, I got braces. When I showed my mom, she said, "At least you'll lose weight because you can't… Today, I was looking forward to swimming for the entire day. As soon as I finally got in the water,… Today, I was on a bus coming from the Melbourne airport. I went camping the previous week. On the…
- Today, I went to the Eiffel Tower with my boyfriend. We’d been talking about getting married for a… Today, because I’m on my period, I asked my boyfriend to turn around so I could change my clothes.… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…