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allie2590's favorite FMLs
Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML
by Purplexus / 01/02/2014 at 9:13am / Turkey (Ankara) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
by MissYouPieceOfSkin / 11/27/2013 at 3:44am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML
by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Cian_1 / 11/25/2013 at 6:22am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Health
by Catcrap! / 11/18/2013 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/10/2013 at 2:49am / United States / Kids
by Puppy problems / 10/26/2013 at 9:23pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML
by my gran is a cuntwaffle / 09/26/2013 at 4:36pm / United Kingdom / Love
by mandm / 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2013 at 1:18am / United States / Kids
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML
by interphaseprophasemetaphase / 09/04/2013 at 7:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by NoNotCats =^._.^= / 09/03/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Arizona) / Health
by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was…