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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8253) - you deserved it (42310)
On 02/13/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by SpLo0gIeR - United States
Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23077) - you deserved it (7853) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33720) - you deserved it (6859)
On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33975) - you deserved it (1915)
On 02/02/2012 at 6:32am - misc - by aliezzedine (man) - Lebanon
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19430) - you deserved it (3859)
Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16114) - you deserved it (7267)
On 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm - health - by Rachal - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16142) - you deserved it (4570)
On 01/26/2012 at 10:22pm - misc - by ParkerRommel (man) - United States
Today, I got into an argument with my wife over how she spends too much time with her gay best friend. Now she says that if I want to ever get intimate with her again, I'll have to let her watch as I give him a striptease. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28129) - you deserved it (8653)
On 01/14/2012 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18558) - you deserved it (15515)
On 12/10/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by godhatesme (man) - United States
Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10231) - you deserved it (21153)
On 11/30/2011 at 12:23am - work - by TheCrossingChick (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22816) - you deserved it (6683)
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22839) - you deserved it (1764)
On 11/13/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17542) - you deserved it (12012) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40343) - you deserved it (3162)
On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while paying for groceries, I opened my wallet to find that all my cash had been exchanged for Monopoly money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27045) - you deserved it (1972)
On 08/27/2011 at 8:38pm - money - by KayDayParade - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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