Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

allie2590

Offline (51 minutes ago) | Search for a member

allie2590

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 5 February 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 31874
  • Number of comments : 506
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About allie2590 : I'm the happiest snake of all!

allie2590's page activity

Visits<b>Jose2018</b> - 43 minutes ago<b>thehouseisonfire</b> - yesterday at 7:27am<b>BrookieAnn</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 11:32am<b>macorncob</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 8:43pm<b>iamjc</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 10:08am<b>Wiz_Of_Oz</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 2:20pm<b>diesel_power</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 7:21pm<b>NotBlargo</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 9:18am<b>Effulgence</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 5:27pm<b>prabhakaran</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 3:32pm<b>angeluv_2014</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 1:58pm<b>DungeonSlayer</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 1:28am<b>olpally</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 12:10am<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 10:43pm<b>sallee23444</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 9:24pm<b>laxbro518</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 7:04pm<b>mahluf</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 6:50pm<b>BethanyRae</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 2:31pm

allie2590's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of allie2590's badges

allie2590's favorite FMLs

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

#20560035
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38434) - you deserved it (6672)

On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30861) - you deserved it (5839)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20470) - you deserved it (59842)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36986) - you deserved it (12406)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

#20515797
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10723) - you deserved it (36936)

On 02/21/2013 at 12:51am - love - by tomedicalforlove -

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

#20507167
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12854) - you deserved it (40382)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24161) - you deserved it (4760)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30223) - you deserved it (4336)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

#20487138
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10789) - you deserved it (33428)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

#20486562
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47629) - you deserved it (3563) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by dr mamour - Sent from mobile version

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

#20483320
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45399) - you deserved it (5932) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

#20480007
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23233) - you deserved it (7975)

On 01/26/2013 at 4:51pm - misc - by go snope yourself (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

#20478247
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33798) - you deserved it (3734)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

#20453278
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35164) - you deserved it (6892)

On 01/11/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Latina (woman) - United States (Arizona)



FML's blog

  • AD_e's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang ! It's Friday once more and time for us to go on a magical mystery tour around the brain of yet another illustrator. This week, things have happened around the world that were so depressing, I don't…

Monday 18 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: