About allie2590 : I'm the happiest snake of all!
allie2590's FML badges
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
allie2590's favorite FMLs
Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML
by Lisa / 12/15/2014 at 10:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, I took out my old hairdryer and turned it on. I then gave my roommate a show as I ran out of the bathroom, naked and screaming, after a spider was blasted out of the hairdryer and directly at my face. FML
by lateralligator / 12/12/2014 at 11:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML
by Gassy and sassy / 12/07/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
by virgacs / 12/01/2014 at 8:58am / Hungary (Budapest) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by Bald / 10/21/2014 at 11:41am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Kids
Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML
by anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by clumsylobster / 10/13/2014 at 5:33pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Health
Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML
by RuinedTheMood / 09/21/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by ihatejasonderulo / 09/02/2014 at 11:32am / United Kingdom (Hounslow) / Intimacy
Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML
by you ripped them off ages ago / 08/17/2014 at 2:15am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids
Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML
by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by younggirl101 / 08/05/2014 at 12:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:36pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Transportation
- Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to…