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allie2590's favorite FMLs
by SpLo0gIeR / 02/13/2012 at 10:30am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
by Bonapp / 02/09/2012 at 5:11pm / France / Miscellaneous
by xX_nsn_Xx / 02/03/2012 at 9:47am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
by aliezzedine / 02/02/2012 at 6:32am / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 1:13am / Canada / Animals
Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML
by Rachal / 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by ParkerRommel / 01/26/2012 at 10:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got into an argument with my wife over how she spends too much time with her gay best friend. Now she says that if I want to ever get intimate with her again, I'll have to let her watch as I give him a striptease. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy
by ericane27 / 12/27/2011 at 2:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm / Australia / Health
by bosslady12 / 12/21/2011 at 1:10pm / United States / Work
by godhatesme / 12/10/2011 at 3:45am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:45am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML
by TheCrossingChick / 11/30/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Nevada) / Work