About allie2590 : I'm the happiest snake of all!
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allie2590's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 11:05am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy
by kissandcontrol01 / 10/10/2015 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML
by Anon / 09/28/2015 at 11:18pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet / 09/25/2015 at 9:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Brooke / 08/14/2015 at 12:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 1:18am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2015 at 10:06am / United States / Intimacy
by AK-47 / 07/17/2015 at 7:04pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house for the first time. He soon found out about my sleep-talking habit. I started ranting about "electron shaming" and I apparently passionately support their "sub-atomic lifestyle". Yes, he managed to get it on video. FML
by wantmeasandwich / 07/10/2015 at 12:57pm / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML
by notgay / 06/21/2015 at 2:04am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by fartypants / 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous