About allie2590 : I'm the happiest snake of all!
allie2590's FML badges
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
allie2590's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/06/2016 at 12:55am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on the tram with my friend, we ended up discussing religion. When we started talking about God, some guy asked us, in a serious tone, to "stop talking about me" because it was really starting to bother him. FML
by DieuEstUnHomme / 02/03/2016 at 10:44am / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Transportation
Today, at my job drug testing high schoolers, I see that one of the kids selected for the testing looked incredibly high. So, after he goes in the bathroom and gives me his cup with his urine inside, I take a closer look and see that the little shit jizzed in the cup. I hate my job. FML
by zachhewett / 02/02/2016 at 5:53pm / United States (Alabama) / Work
by whattheactualfuck / 01/22/2016 at 7:50am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Miscellaneous
by swag papi / 01/22/2016 at 12:47am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, I gave a group presentation. Because I didn't know the last names of my group members, I'd put fake ones in, intending to replace them later. I forgot to change them and I ended up giving a presentation alongside a very angry Greg Penishead and Josh Acne. FML
by friendless1004 / 11/12/2015 at 11:55am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by burnbabyburn / 11/11/2015 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom / Work
by Anonymous / 11/10/2015 at 5:50pm / United States / Work
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 11:05am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy
by kissandcontrol01 / 10/10/2015 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML
by Anon / 09/28/2015 at 11:18pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet / 09/25/2015 at 9:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Brooke / 08/14/2015 at 12:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…