About allie2590 : I'm the happiest snake of all!
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allie2590's favorite FMLs
by Bonngoo / 11/17/2016 at 1:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking to a bathroom on campus before class when my professor walked in behind me. There were two urinals in the bathroom, we walked right up next to each other and unzipped our pants in unison. It became so awkward for me, I actually said out loud, "Nope, too awkward" and left. FML
by beetregeneration / 11/16/2016 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Work
by I'm an asshole / 11/03/2016 at 5:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML
Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I forgot the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "medicine man". FML
by professionalmedicineman / 08/11/2016 at 3:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, my untrained legs have been traumatised by the sudden regime of squats, mountain climbers and lunges I have been putting them through. I literally just have to trust-fall back onto the toilet and hope for the best, because my legs don't have the strength to support the gradual descent. FML
by SkipLegDay / 08/03/2016 at 4:48am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Health
by Mj / 07/19/2016 at 8:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my little sister decided to move one of the mouse traps I set for our current mouse problem onto my desk chair. Apparently when a mouse is caught in a mousetrap it's cruel, but when it snaps on my balls, that's hilarious. FML
by Ow / 06/18/2016 at 8:51pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Kids
by tracy4191 / 06/13/2016 at 11:27am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Nick / 06/05/2016 at 5:59pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 9:07pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML
by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 3:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML
by ciammmm / 04/07/2016 at 8:23pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML
by humiliated / 03/20/2016 at 7:54am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…
- Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump.… Today, and since forever, my boyfriend talks in his sleep. Last night, he told me, “I like you very… Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the…