About allie2590 : I'm the happiest snake of all!
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allie2590's favorite FMLs
Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML
Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I forgot the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "medicine man". FML
by professionalmedicineman / 08/11/2016 at 3:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, my untrained legs have been traumatised by the sudden regime of squats, mountain climbers and lunges I have been putting them through. I literally just have to trust-fall back onto the toilet and hope for the best, because my legs don't have the strength to support the gradual descent. FML
by SkipLegDay / 08/03/2016 at 4:48am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Health
by Mj / 07/19/2016 at 8:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my little sister decided to move one of the mouse traps I set for our current mouse problem onto my desk chair. Apparently when a mouse is caught in a mousetrap it's cruel, but when it snaps on my balls, that's hilarious. FML
by Ow / 06/18/2016 at 8:51pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Kids
by tracy4191 / 06/13/2016 at 11:27am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Nick / 06/05/2016 at 5:59pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 9:07pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML
by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 3:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML
by ciammmm / 04/07/2016 at 8:23pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML
by humiliated / 03/20/2016 at 7:54am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, my mother-in-law told me that God won't allow me to have a baby with my husband because we're both agnostic. Yet it seems God thinks her druggie daughter can have two just because she's a Christian. FML
by Tiny_Nerd / 03/08/2016 at 10:00am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Juju Bear / 03/08/2016 at 6:54am / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 6:06am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to… Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to… Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown…