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allard

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allard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 8 July 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2833
  • Number of comments : 184
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About allard : I've always wanted someone to include me in their Bio's like people do with Perdix and Docbastard.

Anyway, I'm Chris.
That's about it. :3.

May the force be with you, and the odds, ever in your favor.

allard's page activity

Visits<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 8:51pm<b>MuffinOfSuccess</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 12:22pm<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 5:08am<b>KatClifford</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 8:52pm<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 2:11am<b>tagallopes</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 8:30am<b>battlehamster</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 2:39am<b>BookNerd_123</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 6:11pm<b>LiiaaBee</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 12:25pm<b>DreamBigDollFace</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 3:21am<b>ThatsStoryOfLife</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 1:29am<b>hedgehogman123</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 9:43pm<b>toxic_walrus</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 8:37pm<b>RicoDay</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 2:35pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 4:42pm<b>anon90142</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 12:12pm<b>secondgradesucks</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 9:16am<b>bsav2748</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 5:05am

allard's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of allard's badges

allard's favorite FMLs

Today, I rode the public bus. When I got off, I put my hood up only to discover that the old man who sat behind me had used my hood as a trashcan for his gum and used Kleenex. I can't get the gum out of my hair. FML

#18482161
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30462) - you deserved it (2235)

On 12/11/2011 at 1:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was getting dressed in my bedroom with the blinds open and had nothing covering my top half. I thought my neighbours wouldn't be able to see in through all the trees, that was until I heard someone wolf whistle and one of my neighbours running away. FML

#18479529
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10000) - you deserved it (27744)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:35pm - misc - by nakedness (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

#18406735
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43249) - you deserved it (3242)

On 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm - health - by unknown52 - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

#18404973
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39984) - you deserved it (9437)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by pops up - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was fired. For "lack of attention to details", specifically spelling errors. My now ex-boss misspelled the name of his own company on my severance agreement. FML

#18403408
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24448) - you deserved it (2871)

On 12/01/2011 at 1:55pm - work - by JadeC - United States (New York)

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

#18402920
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20301) - you deserved it (5148)

On 12/01/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by Hot Pants (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

#18344232
498 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47683) - you deserved it (5798)

On 11/25/2011 at 3:20am - misc - by nicoreal89 - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

#18327184
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30478) - you deserved it (6378)

On 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm - kids - by G. Briones -

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

#18304888
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30955) - you deserved it (2913)

On 11/21/2011 at 2:02am - work - by disciplinaryaction (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML

#18295282
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22510) - you deserved it (3609)

On 11/20/2011 at 2:37am - misc - by NoThanksGrandma (woman) -

Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML

#18253335
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31595) - you deserved it (2934)

On 11/15/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by SetoAyumi - United States (California)

Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML

#18222551
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11837) - you deserved it (55496)

On 11/11/2011 at 8:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

#18220908
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12231) - you deserved it (40485)

On 11/11/2011 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by Henry - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML

#18190059
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29870) - you deserved it (2301)

On 11/08/2011 at 12:45am - work - by jodafish - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

#18189501
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37351) - you deserved it (7474)

On 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by InstantHardOn (man) - United States



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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