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allard

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allard
  • Town/Country : Brisbane, Australia
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 8 July 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 2370
  • Number of comments : 184
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About allard : I've always wanted someone to include me in their Bio's like people do with Perdix and Docbastard.

Anyway, I'm Chris.
That's about it. :3.

May the force be with you, and the odds, ever in your favor.

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allard's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

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allard's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML

#19449584
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6820) - you deserved it (35143)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:46pm - work - by Spudzy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my daughter sat me down for a long talk. It turns out that she thinks she is the Chosen One. FML

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML

#19363731
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18320) - you deserved it (3316)

On 03/28/2012 at 2:02pm - animals - by 3hoursleftofwork (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, while babysitting, one of the boys fell on an exposed pipe and broke it. It spewed water five feet into the air, spread water across four rooms, and completely soaked another of the boys. Their parents had only left fifteen minutes before. FML

#19112192
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20011) - you deserved it (2388)

On 02/19/2012 at 12:49am - kids - by CamoElla - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

#19105886
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22403) - you deserved it (2735)

On 02/18/2012 at 7:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

#18959231
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18480) - you deserved it (3425)

On 01/31/2012 at 6:07am - health - by Arielle (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

#18933385
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18469) - you deserved it (3047)

On 01/28/2012 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a swollen knee, and was slowly limping to the toilet. All of a sudden, my mom ran past me, beating me to it. As she closed the door, she said, "AT LEAST I CAN RUN!" FML

#18917504
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22237) - you deserved it (2336) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/26/2012 at 5:08pm - health - by Jen_ - France

Today, I cut my finger with a knife while cooking. I work in a hospital and have to use hand disinfectant at least every twenty minutes. It hurts badly. I have to work for eight hours. FML

#18917374
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20903) - you deserved it (3587)

On 01/26/2012 at 4:57pm - work - by StupidNurse (woman) - Germany

Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML

#18831926
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20804) - you deserved it (4702)

On 01/17/2012 at 1:43am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was so bored that I began searching for videos of people popping their pimples. FML

#18642510
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7152) - you deserved it (32591)

On 12/29/2011 at 7:03am - misc - by nolife - United States

Today, a guy tried to seduce me by talking about incest. FML

#18586179
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24837) - you deserved it (2310)

On 12/23/2011 at 2:42am - intimacy - by balkangirl94 - United States (Florida)

Today, after spending months learning how to play the guitar and memorizing the music to my girlfriend's all-time favorite song, I performed it for her. Her response? "Well, you kind of ruined that song for me now." FML

#18563355
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29100) - you deserved it (4828)

On 12/20/2011 at 5:41pm - love - by tommy - United States (Georgia)

Today, my dad took me to the 'Super Butcher'. It's basically a warehouse turned into a giant, walk-in meat freezer, complete with headless pig carcasses. I'm a vegetarian. FML



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