Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

allard

Search for a member

allard

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 8 July 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2839
  • Number of comments : 184
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About allard : I've always wanted someone to include me in their Bio's like people do with Perdix and Docbastard.

Anyway, I'm Chris.
That's about it. :3.

May the force be with you, and the odds, ever in your favor.

allard's page activity

Visits<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 8:51pm<b>MuffinOfSuccess</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 12:22pm<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 5:08am<b>KatClifford</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 8:52pm<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 2:11am<b>tagallopes</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 8:30am<b>battlehamster</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 2:39am<b>BookNerd_123</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 6:11pm<b>LiiaaBee</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 12:25pm<b>DreamBigDollFace</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 3:21am<b>ThatsStoryOfLife</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 1:29am<b>hedgehogman123</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 9:43pm<b>toxic_walrus</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 8:37pm<b>RicoDay</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 2:35pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 4:42pm<b>anon90142</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 12:12pm<b>secondgradesucks</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 9:16am<b>bsav2748</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 5:05am

allard's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of allard's badges

allard's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter wore my favorite Christmas sweater to an ugly sweater party. FML

#20201801
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20819) - you deserved it (8797)

On 12/12/2012 at 11:05am - kids - by Saduglydad - United States (Texas)

Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

#20201491
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39645) - you deserved it (2437)

On 12/12/2012 at 1:45am - kids - by LearnGeographyUSA (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML

#20200046
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30005) - you deserved it (2896)

On 12/11/2012 at 2:15am - kids - by n1a1t1h1a1n1 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML

#20162727
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8223) - you deserved it (18731)

On 11/14/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by talker (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38824) - you deserved it (2699)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26910) - you deserved it (2208)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML

#20155774
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21413) - you deserved it (2502)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:53pm - love - by holyshitbatman - United States (Ohio)

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

#20155172
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19968) - you deserved it (2144)

On 11/08/2012 at 4:22pm - misc - by Anonimo (woman) - Italy (Sardegna)

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML

#20014909
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41701) - you deserved it (4793)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

#19974233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6879) - you deserved it (42120)

On 07/22/2012 at 10:13am - misc - by Roma-Jay - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He decided he would be a gentleman and do this to me at work, over text, during a rush of unsympathetic customers, the day before our anniversary. FML

#19843298
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30703) - you deserved it (2311)

On 06/25/2012 at 3:00am - love - by waaah (woman) - Australia

Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML

#19764297
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24836) - you deserved it (2649)

On 06/10/2012 at 3:54am - misc - by eddie818 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

#19764261
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14907) - you deserved it (9051)

On 06/10/2012 at 3:46am - misc - by yeyt209 - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I found out through Instagram that the guy I'm dating has a wife and two kids. FML

#19760730
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29744) - you deserved it (3674)

On 06/09/2012 at 2:43pm - love - by hailsatan666 (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I saw Thor and I wanted to see how realistic it was to be swinging a hammer around. Wrong idea. I ended up unconscious on the ground for ten whole minutes. FML

#19753882
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5368) - you deserved it (36327)

On 06/08/2012 at 4:09am - misc - by runner2731 - United States (Ohio)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: