allard

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allard

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 8 July 1992 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4079
  • Number of comments : 184
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About allard : I've always wanted someone to include me in their Bio's like people do with Perdix and Docbastard.

Anyway, I'm Chris.
That's about it. :3.

May the force be with you, and the odds, ever in your favor.

allard's page activity

Visits<b>SweetMaria</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 10:32am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 04/24/2016 at 7:30pm<b>jill97</b> - the 04/16/2016 at 6:25am<b>arealsexybitch</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 11:27pm<b>PopBlox</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 11:59pm<b>aliceaudrey1997</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 4:45am<b>PiscesNation</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 2:45pm<b>Starzak</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 10:11am<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 7:06pm<b>One_Way</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 1:09pm<b>KinkyMissBinky</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 11:32pm<b>Spencyy</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 9:37pm<b>aishah77</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 2:59pm<b>dudeutookhrs</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 1:52pm<b>sappy23</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 2:33am<b>Xsweglord420x</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 10:49pm<b>alice192823</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 7:19pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 6:42am

Fucked!<b>SweetMaria</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 4:31pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 8:46pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 12:42pm

allard's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of allard's badges

allard's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

by fmlman / 03/15/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2013 at 1:03pm / Germany (Bayern) / Work

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

by yikes / 03/02/2013 at 10:32am / United States / Animals

Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML

by RosesAreRed / 02/15/2013 at 1:07am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. He really likes Legend of Zelda, so I put on a Link hat, took my clothes off, and waited for him at his place. He came home with a hooker. FML

by excusemeprincess / 02/11/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (New York) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

by Fireguy92 / 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

by walkingdictionary / 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

by good job bf / 01/10/2013 at 11:06pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2013 at 7:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I had to watch my drunk girlfriend yell at a cat for not having periods. The worst part is that she was at a pet store. The pet store at which I work. FML

by Wtf is wrong with her / 12/30/2012 at 12:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2012 at 10:14am / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

by UngratefulBrat / 12/28/2012 at 2:03am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

by pipefitter28 / 12/27/2012 at 1:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

by Jane / 12/22/2012 at 6:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

by dude, where's my balls? :( / 12/22/2012 at 3:25pm / United States (Alaska) / Money