Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

allard

Search for a member

allard

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 8 July 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2832
  • Number of comments : 184
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About allard : I've always wanted someone to include me in their Bio's like people do with Perdix and Docbastard.

Anyway, I'm Chris.
That's about it. :3.

May the force be with you, and the odds, ever in your favor.

allard's page activity

Visits<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 8:51pm<b>MuffinOfSuccess</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 12:22pm<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 5:08am<b>KatClifford</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 8:52pm<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 2:11am<b>tagallopes</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 8:30am<b>battlehamster</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 2:39am<b>BookNerd_123</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 6:11pm<b>LiiaaBee</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 12:25pm<b>DreamBigDollFace</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 3:21am<b>ThatsStoryOfLife</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 1:29am<b>hedgehogman123</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 9:43pm<b>toxic_walrus</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 8:37pm<b>RicoDay</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 2:35pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 4:42pm<b>anon90142</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 12:12pm<b>secondgradesucks</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 9:16am<b>bsav2748</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 5:05am

allard's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of allard's badges

allard's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

#20544356
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38951) - you deserved it (5676)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

#20529455
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29981) - you deserved it (9865)

On 03/03/2013 at 1:03pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

#20527973
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44284) - you deserved it (20268)

On 03/02/2013 at 10:32am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML

#20507681
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39815) - you deserved it (3888)

On 02/15/2013 at 1:07am - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. He really likes Legend of Zelda, so I put on a Link hat, took my clothes off, and waited for him at his place. He came home with a hooker. FML

#20502217
172 comments

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

#20488428
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38333) - you deserved it (2159)

On 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm - work - by Fireguy92 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

#20465228
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14967) - you deserved it (32573)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm - kids - by walkingdictionary - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

#20452848
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43340) - you deserved it (2495)

On 01/10/2013 at 11:06pm - love - by good job bf (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. FML

#20444015
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19320) - you deserved it (3307)

On 01/05/2013 at 7:06pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to watch my drunk girlfriend yell at a cat for not having periods. The worst part is that she was at a pet store. The pet store at which I work. FML

#20431107
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28377) - you deserved it (3270)

On 12/30/2012 at 12:20am - misc - by Wtf is wrong with her (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

#20427625
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38246) - you deserved it (14531)

On 12/28/2012 at 10:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

#20427233
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31471) - you deserved it (6340)

On 12/28/2012 at 2:03am - kids - by UngratefulBrat - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

#20425068
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18922) - you deserved it (24829)

On 12/27/2012 at 1:46am - health - by pipefitter28 (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

#20414355
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35166) - you deserved it (5547)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:29pm - kids - by Jane (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

#20413996
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35057) - you deserved it (2946)

On 12/22/2012 at 3:25pm - money - by dude, where's my balls? :( (man) - United States (Alaska)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: