alkaid

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Offline (the 08/25/2014 at 4:44am)

alkaid

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 June 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4262
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About alkaid : Hello :)

alkaid's page activity

Visits<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 1:11pm<b>Roozb</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 6:56pm<b>crystalbeau98</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 12:03am<b>beeferjay</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 2:09am<b>Paras_800</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 7:59pm<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 8:27pm<b>ASeeR</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 4:41am<b>mountainmanmike</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 6:52am<b>patts_</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 8:09pm<b>sb4331</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 2:44am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 11:25am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 01/31/2015 at 9:11pm<b>papashaan</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 2:28pm<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 11:01am<b>ZachHatesPeople</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 6:34pm<b>Blizzicus</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 2:53am<b>Rxp</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 4:23am<b>gingerJ</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 11:13pm

Fucked!<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 2:27am<b>ASeeR</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 10:42am<b>gingerJ</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 6:07pm

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alkaid's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML

Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML

by Abby_gummibear / 03/19/2011 at 5:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

by Mr. Sensitive Nips / 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

by parentfail / 12/11/2010 at 9:44am / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 11:32am / Argentina (Cordoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a small child take a really bad fall off his scooter, so I got rid of my cigarette and ran to help him. I asked him if he was alright, or if I could walk him to his house. He replied "I'm okay, but your dress is on fire." It was. FML

by Laura / 09/21/2010 at 8:31pm / United States / Kids

Today, my kids thought it would be funny to put pictures of naked men and women as people's ID on my phone. They won't tell me how to change it back. FML

by Momma / 06/19/2010 at 3:47am / Kids

Today, me and a couple of friends decided to go camping in a national park . When we got there, a ranger came up to us and said, "There have been many sightings of coyotes, don't worry, if they charge you, they'll bluff and flee at the last moment." We met a coyote, it didn't bluff. FML

by Coyote / 05/17/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

by pumpkinlover89 / 03/27/2010 at 4:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, on Facebook, I joined a group called "I want our relationship to last." My boyfriend commented "I don't." FML

by kal / 02/23/2010 at 11:28am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Love

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

by anonymous / 02/21/2010 at 10:16am / United States / Love

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

by ItsFunnyNow / 10/22/2009 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 12:55am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2009 at 5:13am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids