About alkaid : Hello :)
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41551) - you deserved it (7654)
On 03/27/2010 at 4:26am - intimacy - by pumpkinlover89 - United States (California)
Today, on Facebook, I joined a group called "I want our relationship to last." My boyfriend commented "I don't." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23411) - you deserved it (4429)
On 02/23/2010 at 11:28am - love - by kal (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)
Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8231) - you deserved it (29153)
On 02/21/2010 at 10:16am - love - by anonymous - United States
Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11063) - you deserved it (4229)
On 10/22/2009 at 12:07am - intimacy - by ItsFunnyNow (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my 11 year old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach wearing a bikini. He said " Wow! Who's that?!" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said " Whats happened?!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (30156) - you deserved it (5498)
On 09/10/2009 at 5:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)
Today, a very good platonic friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said 'Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!' When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said 'You've made me the happiest man alive' as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20735) - you deserved it (74476)
On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I borrowed my dad's laptop to type an essay. While I was saving it, I noticed some curious looking files and I opened them. They were rejection letters from all the colleges I had applied to. My dad had been forging them so he wouldn't have to pay for my tuition bills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64506) - you deserved it (1931)
On 08/05/2009 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my family took me to a wig store saying I wouldn't feel so insecure about being bald because of my chemo treatments. When I told them I accepted myself and didn't want a wig, they came out and told me THEY couldn't accept it. My own family is embarrassed of me over something I can't control. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76358) - you deserved it (2308)
On 07/31/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by Betrayed (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66773) - you deserved it (4659)
On 07/22/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by Gordon (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21676) - you deserved it (61470)
On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73196) - you deserved it (15327)
On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17801) - you deserved it (192529)
On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)
Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (51830) - you deserved it (18218)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46768) - you deserved it (127839)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199424) - you deserved it (58850)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Monday 20 May 2013
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