alkaid

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Offline (the 08/25/2014 at 4:44am)

alkaid

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 June 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4525
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About alkaid : Hello :)

alkaid's page activity

Visits<b>joco4</b> - the 07/26/2016 at 12:19pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 1:11pm<b>Roozb</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 6:56pm<b>crystalbeau98</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 12:03am<b>beeferjay</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 2:09am<b>Paras_800</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 7:59pm<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 8:27pm<b>ASeeR</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 4:41am<b>mountainmanmike</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 6:52am<b>patts_</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 8:09pm<b>sb4331</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 2:44am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 11:25am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 01/31/2015 at 9:11pm<b>papashaan</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 2:28pm<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 11:01am<b>ZachHatesPeople</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 6:34pm<b>Blizzicus</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 2:53am<b>Rxp</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 4:23am

Fucked!<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 2:27am<b>ASeeR</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 10:42am<b>gingerJ</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 6:07pm

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alkaid's favorite FMLs

Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 10:43am / Japan (Tokyo) / Health

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML

by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

by thinkimquitting / 06/25/2012 at 5:49pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, as a romantic gesture, my boyfriend gifted me an origami vagina. FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2012 at 10:59am / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2012 at 9:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2012 at 9:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

by GM38 / 06/22/2012 at 10:57pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I had a wet dream in the middle of an 8-hour-long airplane flight. FML

by Uncomfy / 06/22/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I had a wet dream in the middle of an 8-hour-long airplane flight. FML

by Uncomfy / 06/22/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 1:22am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

by fledermausi / 06/12/2012 at 9:02am / Hungary (Budapest) / Love

Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML

by JohnBlack / 06/11/2012 at 11:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

by Rob / 06/06/2012 at 12:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy