alkaid

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Offline (the 08/25/2014 at 4:44am)

alkaid

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 June 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4385
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About alkaid : Hello :)

alkaid's page activity

Visits<b>joco4</b> - the 07/26/2016 at 12:19pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 1:11pm<b>Roozb</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 6:56pm<b>crystalbeau98</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 12:03am<b>beeferjay</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 2:09am<b>Paras_800</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 7:59pm<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 8:27pm<b>ASeeR</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 4:41am<b>mountainmanmike</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 6:52am<b>patts_</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 8:09pm<b>sb4331</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 2:44am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 11:25am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 01/31/2015 at 9:11pm<b>papashaan</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 2:28pm<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 11:01am<b>ZachHatesPeople</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 6:34pm<b>Blizzicus</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 2:53am<b>Rxp</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 4:23am

Fucked!<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 2:27am<b>ASeeR</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 10:42am<b>gingerJ</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 6:07pm

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alkaid's favorite FMLs

Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2013 at 7:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML

by NotGabe / 09/01/2013 at 10:25am / United States (Texas) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2013 at 1:06am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

by SplishSplash / 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

by Thanks everyone / 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

by dhskkf / 08/27/2013 at 8:23pm / United States / Love

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

by Anonymous / 08/22/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

by me / 08/21/2013 at 7:45pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

by twatstick / 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Work

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

by Loser / 08/21/2013 at 11:17am / United States / Geek

Today, I met up with my estranged father for the first time in almost 15 years. I saw him again later, while he was robbing my house. FML

by MissCharlotte / 08/21/2013 at 12:06am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was walking along the beach at night with my family. A huge wave came up and knocked me over. When we got to the van, I realized that the keys that had been in my pocket were now in the ocean. Our cell phones, shoes, and money were in the van. We had to walk three miles to our hotel. FML

by cricketsins / 08/11/2013 at 3:28am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2013 at 12:24am / United States / Health

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Kids