About alitbaby : Fuck off.
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alitbaby's favorite FMLs
Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML
by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 6:12am / United States / Kids
by refticon / 02/06/2013 at 3:45am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous
by frustrated! / 02/06/2013 at 1:01am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I attended my first surgery as part of my program at med school. I found out that when I see someone's intestines, I vomit. Even if I'm still wearing a surgical mask. There goes the thousands of dollars I spent on college. FML
by A troubled ex med school student / 02/05/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML
by missedout / 02/05/2013 at 5:48pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
by Experience / 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML
by vacationless / 02/05/2013 at 2:35pm / United States (West Virginia) / Holidays
Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML
by halfmypaycheckgone / 02/05/2013 at 1:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money
Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said "excuse me". The lady then maced me through the open window. FML
by maced face / 02/05/2013 at 12:45pm / United States / Transportation
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
by Lockedinroom / 02/05/2013 at 11:18am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was partnered up with a girl in my art class, since the teacher had asked us to take turns drawing portraits of each other. I went first and felt pretty proud of how the drawing turned out. I showed it to her and she said "That's OK. I'm not good at drawing either." FML
by picasso / 02/05/2013 at 8:09am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 02/05/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me…