About alitbaby : Fuck off.
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alitbaby's favorite FMLs
by mattrd / 02/13/2013 at 4:01pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML
by nosebleeder / 02/13/2013 at 3:31pm / Sweden / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML
by please leave... / 02/13/2013 at 2:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML
by death bed / 02/13/2013 at 12:20pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML
by firestar772 / 02/11/2013 at 10:48am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by tongue tied / 02/11/2013 at 3:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 2:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML
by mr_loveless / 02/11/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Love
Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML
by mhmm... cumsquats / 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm / Belgium (Brabant) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 11:11am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I had to drive to my workplace in blizzard conditions. Now that my 12 hour shift is over, I can't get out of the building, as the snow has blown into large drifts in front of the doors. I have to stay overnight until my next 12 hour shift. FML
by sonnyrosa / 02/09/2013 at 7:39am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Work
by Lois / 02/09/2013 at 7:00am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 12:13am / United States / Love