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alitbaby's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/28/2014 at 2:43pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML
by just the tip, though / 01/28/2014 at 12:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML
by ChickenBallsPlease / 01/28/2014 at 6:16am / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous
by Pooper scooper / 01/28/2014 at 3:22am / Guam / Animals
by Anonymous / 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm / Puerto Rico / Love
by :( / 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm / Algeria / Miscellaneous
by mac / 01/27/2014 at 9:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 10:46am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attacks that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic, and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what, one of us is always shaking uncontrollably. FML
by Chuffberry / 02/16/2013 at 3:47am / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML
by howannoying / 02/16/2013 at 1:24am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML
by Scarlett / 02/16/2013 at 1:03am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by uhoh / 02/16/2013 at 12:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2013 at 7:39pm / Italy (Lombardia) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/15/2013 at 6:22pm / Venezuela (Lara) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, while I was sneaking a boy out of my room at 2am, I ran into my mom sneaking a man into her… Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up.… Today, I let my 9-year-old daughter use my tablet while I made her dinner. A few minutes later, she…