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alitbaby's favorite FMLs
by sassy_girl144 / 05/29/2015 at 6:58am / United Kingdom (West Berkshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML
by shmoooopie / 05/28/2015 at 11:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by MarieAmber18 / 05/28/2015 at 2:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/27/2015 at 10:21am / Mexico / Health
Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML
by mobigomo / 05/27/2015 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health
by FMLintheanus / 05/27/2015 at 12:29am / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML
by shitty shit / 05/26/2015 at 11:40am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by stupid / 05/26/2015 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Money
by tmi4me / 05/25/2015 at 11:50pm / United States / Work
Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML
by witchybaby89 / 05/25/2015 at 10:50pm / United States / Work
Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML
by WellThatWasRude / 05/25/2015 at 2:30am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML
by roadie42 / 05/24/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho / 05/24/2015 at 11:56am / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous
by hellpop / 05/24/2015 at 9:19am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by uwotm8 / 05/23/2015 at 8:58pm / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I… Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have… Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he…