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alitbaby's favorite FMLs
by sassy_girl144 / 05/29/2015 at 6:58am / United Kingdom (West Berkshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML
by shmoooopie / 05/28/2015 at 11:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by MarieAmber18 / 05/28/2015 at 2:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/27/2015 at 10:21am / Mexico / Health
Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML
by mobigomo / 05/27/2015 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health
by FMLintheanus / 05/27/2015 at 12:29am / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML
by shitty shit / 05/26/2015 at 11:40am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by stupid / 05/26/2015 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Money
by tmi4me / 05/25/2015 at 11:50pm / United States / Work
Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML
by witchybaby89 / 05/25/2015 at 10:50pm / United States / Work
Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML
by WellThatWasRude / 05/25/2015 at 2:30am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML
by roadie42 / 05/24/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho / 05/24/2015 at 11:56am / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous
by hellpop / 05/24/2015 at 9:19am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by uwotm8 / 05/23/2015 at 8:58pm / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation
- Today, I had a Physical Test in JROTC. I'm the only male to not be able to lift 45 pounds and squat… last night, my girlfriend was giving me an amazing blow job. right when I leaned my head back and… Today, I was working outside at my parents' property with my uncle. While we took a break inside, I…