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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3106
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About alissa412 : Not sure why people put their life stories on here... No one cares.

alissa412's page activity

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.


You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

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alissa412's favorite FMLs

Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML


I agree, your life sucks (8761) - you deserved it (35126)

On 04/11/2012 at 11:39am - animals - by Quackers (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML


I agree, your life sucks (6697) - you deserved it (24383)

On 04/06/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38747) - you deserved it (2680)

On 02/29/2012 at 2:18pm - misc - by ouch (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML


I agree, your life sucks (9280) - you deserved it (27535)

On 02/12/2012 at 4:50pm - misc - by fuck teh poleese (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had to explain to this really intimidating girl that I wasn't giving her a dirty look, and that it was just my face at rest. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24396) - you deserved it (2800)

On 02/07/2012 at 3:39pm - misc - by Emily (woman) - United States

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24954) - you deserved it (4638)

On 02/05/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by oh.geez (woman) - United States

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30121) - you deserved it (4078)

On 01/08/2012 at 12:42pm - misc - by bellaskyeb - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my family. The night consisted of my sisters hiding in a tent and chasing us around in it, my parents singing songs from 'The Lion King' opera-style and throwing cheese at him. Pretty sure he's freaked out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30392) - you deserved it (4166)

On 12/30/2011 at 1:35am - love - by wellthatsawkward (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML


I agree, your life sucks (18630) - you deserved it (53273)

On 12/25/2011 at 6:39am - animals - by Anonymoose (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27277) - you deserved it (3213)

On 12/19/2011 at 1:01pm - misc - by This girl (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38116) - you deserved it (6492)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (18605) - you deserved it (49190) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm - misc - by Virginiedetibo - France

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (18765) - you deserved it (33559)

On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28556) - you deserved it (21436)

On 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm - animals - by Beeisc00l - Reserved

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML


I agree, your life sucks (91359) - you deserved it (14369)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

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