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alissa412

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alissa412
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 217
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About alissa412 : Not sure why people put their life stories on here... No one cares.

alissa412's last visitors

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alissa412's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

I like things a lot, 20 times in fact

You have liked 20 FMLs and your Facebook friends are going to like the FMLs that you have liked. We like that.

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alissa412's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

#14608705
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24763) - you deserved it (15690) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

#14190460
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33534) - you deserved it (8033)

On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

#14164412
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30264) - you deserved it (49784)

On 12/11/2010 at 9:44am - kids - by parentfail (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML

#14022064
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21395) - you deserved it (2943)

On 11/29/2010 at 9:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML

#13547239
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5428) - you deserved it (18525)

On 10/22/2010 at 5:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

#12899907
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26187) - you deserved it (10551)

On 09/04/2010 at 10:08am - misc - by pencilring (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

#11867771
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5743) - you deserved it (46160)

On 07/14/2010 at 2:14am - misc - by Eyefreshener (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

#8250331
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6116) - you deserved it (24531)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:56pm - love - by CrappyValentine (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

#7330766
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16856) - you deserved it (2961)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm - love - by meow (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

#6528104
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29275) - you deserved it (4178)

On 11/30/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML

#6298224
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21329) - you deserved it (2117)

On 11/14/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by squidwardpotatoes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML

#6255110
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29419) - you deserved it (2738)

On 11/11/2009 at 7:21am - love - by Starchyld (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

#5947832
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7374) - you deserved it (24991)

On 10/22/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by JC (man) - United States (California)

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

#5937584
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24162) - you deserved it (4946)

On 10/21/2009 at 10:58pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

#5663418
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40788) - you deserved it (2979)

On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - animals - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)



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