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alissa412

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alissa412
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 734
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About alissa412 : Not sure why people put their life stories on here... No one cares.

alissa412's last visitors

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alissa412's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

I like things a lot, 20 times in fact

You have liked 20 FMLs and your Facebook friends are going to like the FMLs that you have liked. We like that.

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alissa412's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

#20097870
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23599) - you deserved it (3106)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I stumbled across "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TV and realized that these awful freaks are going to make more money than I ever will. FML

#20070573
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23240) - you deserved it (2376)

On 09/13/2012 at 6:29pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

#20010086
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25799) - you deserved it (3183)

On 08/08/2012 at 7:03pm - love - by Dumbfounded - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

#19940799
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19190) - you deserved it (3921)

On 07/15/2012 at 11:12am - love - by SwAGkiLlS - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML

#19848843
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22026) - you deserved it (4962)

On 06/26/2012 at 2:05am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35091) - you deserved it (3816)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

#19791305
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7754) - you deserved it (24714)

On 06/15/2012 at 7:27am - health - by latino14 - United States (Maryland)

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

#19750023
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27347) - you deserved it (4208)

On 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm - health - by LaurenB (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

#19734981
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24471) - you deserved it (2608)

On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

#19701580
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19801) - you deserved it (1057)

On 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML

#19663287
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31912) - you deserved it (3783)

On 05/22/2012 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

#19572319
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28878) - you deserved it (1795)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML

#19417580
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5287) - you deserved it (20741)

On 04/06/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML

#19189124
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29291) - you deserved it (1748)

On 02/29/2012 at 2:18pm - misc - by ouch (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

#19058382
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7654) - you deserved it (23492)

On 02/12/2012 at 4:50pm - misc - by fuck teh poleese (man) - United States (Tennessee)



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