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Offline (the 03/30/2016 at 5:45pm)



  • Town/Country : Calgary, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 18 January 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1158
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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alfalfalaffa's page activity

Visits<b>miriamfrank</b> - the 04/12/2016 at 10:04pm<b>Kuibe</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 4:29am<b>Aukrenchi</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 9:19am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 10:18pm<b>quinn1184</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 1:58pm<b>Vegetarian27</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 8:04am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 4:44pm<b>nsdxshadow</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 3:10pm<b>you_can_do_it</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 11:33pm<b>thetuckinator</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 9:09am<b>stereomommy</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 1:15pm<b>dumdum1996</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 6:34am<b>kikoma</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 3:54am<b>xxmollyxx</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 3:30am<b>rudegirl209</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 3:26am<b>PixelKat</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 9:39pm<b>Crucio</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 9:13am<b>mineller</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 5:49pm

Fucked!<b>kikoma</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 9:54am<b>poopsiepants</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 1:43am<b>carebear1228</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 1:11am<b>afrostybird</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 9:52am<b>summergirl69</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 11:14pm<b>Jiratias</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 10:52pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 8:22pm<b>dyne808</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 8:19pm<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 5:11am

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alfalfalaffa's favorite FMLs

Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML

by anon / 08/30/2015 at 2:20am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was unaware that me losing my virginity was also breakup sex. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2015 at 2:08pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2015 at 10:23pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Intimacy

Today, I got all excited because I thought my crush was flirting with me, when in actuality she was taking advantage of me liking her so she and her friends could make fun of my speech impediment. FML

by SY5623 / 08/11/2015 at 8:00pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

by Gonzales / 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2015 at 12:10am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

by Sad Mom / 07/24/2015 at 10:04pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

by Humiliated & Heart-Broken / 07/30/2014 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my wrists were hurting really bad while working the production line. I was told to let my supervisor know so he can help accommodate it. Both supervisors responded by ending my employment there to make sure I don't suffer long term damage. FML

by mousiepie / 05/02/2014 at 5:36am / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

by god / 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Miscellaneous

Today, I reduced my psychologist to tears. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2013 at 1:07am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

by hamburger / 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

by hitintheeye / 11/26/2011 at 10:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

by no one / 05/21/2011 at 5:07am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 8:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy