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About alexh15 : My name is Alex. I am from Cape Town, South Africa. No, I do not ride an elephant to school, and no, I do not have a lion as a pet. But yes, I am white. Go figure right? :P Anyway. This has got to be the most awesome app on my iPhone. But even though I am using the app, I still check my messages. So please go ahead, and message me to your hearts content. I will reply ASAP. I am sure that if you are stalking my profile, then you are awesome enough to give a speedy reply to. You are awesome enough right? Course you are... Psssh.
Well, that's about all I've got, so, have a chill day... :P
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Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
Friday 1 August 2014