About alcoholmage : I've got nothing much to say :L I occasionally find time to go on FML for reading when I have nothing to do. Uni student!
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alcoholmage's favorite FMLs
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML
by PizzaBoySwag / 06/04/2011 at 5:36am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML
by phant776 / 05/13/2011 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
by no name / 02/22/2011 at 7:25am / Miscellaneous
Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML
by theshameofit / 02/01/2011 at 12:42pm / Cyprus (Limassol) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/01/2011 at 8:43am / United States / Love
Today, my class went to Berlin. At the subway station, our teacher told us to get on the next train. I was the first one to get on and the only one who didn't hear her saying: 'Wait, that's the wrong one!' I'm lost in a city I've never been before. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 2:22am / Germany (Sachsen) / Transportation
Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML
by bleurghh / 12/31/2010 at 10:06am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Love
Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML
by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Heyy / 11/24/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML
by serveandprotectyeahright / 11/20/2010 at 9:00am / United States (New York) / Animals
by mydadsawsooomuch / 11/17/2010 at 8:26am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I was the only girl he'd ever text, call, or flirt with again. Later on he told two other girls exactly the same thing on Facebook, not realizing that everybody can read wall messages. FML
by girlwithaprob / 11/13/2010 at 4:45pm / United States (Texas) / Love
- Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've… Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced… Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been having an intimate text exchange with a woman. She's…