About alcoholmage : I've got nothing much to say :L I occasionally find time to go on FML for reading when I have nothing to do. Uni student!
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Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
by Virginiedetibo / 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm / France / Miscellaneous
by BigBananaLover / 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2011 at 2:35am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML
by djfail / 09/01/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by sad child / 08/27/2011 at 3:45am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by bTOhno / 08/13/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, I went to Walmart to get some acne cream. As I approached the register, I looked in my wallet for the money. The cashier saw that I didn't have enough money, and before I could say anything, he goes "Just take it, I've never seen anyone who needs it that much!" FML
by Taylor D / 08/07/2011 at 12:40am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents woke me up at 4 am and informed me of their impending divorce. They then woke me up again three hours later and told me "never mind". This same routine happens several times a month. FML
by iloveryanhiga / 08/05/2011 at 5:27am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Teen With No Money / 08/03/2011 at 11:49am / United States (California) / Money
by Unknown / 07/07/2011 at 11:12am / United States (Missouri) / Holidays
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
by hero to zero / 07/04/2011 at 12:09pm / United States (New York) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 06/18/2011 at 11:43am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…