Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

alcoholmage

Offline (one hour ago) | Search for a member

alcoholmage

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1637
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About alcoholmage : I've got nothing much to say :L As a high-schooler, I occasionally find time to go on FML for reading when I have nothing to do ):

alcoholmage's page activity

Visits<b>marcusaa</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 2:49pm<b>mea_iloveskiing</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 8:57pm<b>JustBeingAwesome</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 8:25am<b>regenerate</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 4:33pm<b>snapper89768</b> - the 12/08/2013 at 10:29pm<b>pandaoprincess</b> - the 11/16/2013 at 7:00pm<b>HopelesslyCiara5</b> - the 09/04/2013 at 9:53pm<b>kaiyybee</b> - the 09/04/2013 at 6:22pm<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 08/26/2013 at 8:22am<b>loriprieto</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 10:34pm<b>Alwaysontherun</b> - the 07/22/2013 at 5:17pm<b>ohioain</b> - the 07/07/2013 at 5:58am<b>shaar</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 12:50am<b>SaraAnn1401</b> - the 06/29/2013 at 10:56pm<b>sapoi99</b> - the 03/26/2013 at 5:55pm<b>julia2750</b> - the 03/24/2013 at 4:15pm<b>Rissaboo180</b> - the 02/12/2013 at 5:05pm

alcoholmage's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of alcoholmage's badges

alcoholmage's favorite FMLs

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

#8805170
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7847) - you deserved it (25230)

On 03/03/2010 at 7:07pm - misc - by DUMMIE (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML

#8477900
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6210) - you deserved it (31418)

On 02/20/2010 at 12:29pm - misc - by creamed (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML

#8364767
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12436) - you deserved it (27688)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:30am - misc - by Craig (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML

#7811688
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31516) - you deserved it (2605)

On 02/02/2010 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML

#7753141
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5892) - you deserved it (22437)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:21pm - animals - by saintmichi (woman) - Poland (Malopolskie)

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

#7609277
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42134) - you deserved it (11920)

On 01/27/2010 at 8:35am - intimacy - by chanclepants - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49889) - you deserved it (7888)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49889) - you deserved it (7888)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while playing spin the bottle, my two spins landed on two really pretty girls. The first girl I missed and kissed her chin. The second girl I headbutted and gave a nosebleed. FML

#7258041
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11196) - you deserved it (38489)

On 01/10/2010 at 1:13pm - love - by Olihime (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

#7233088
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19798) - you deserved it (6072)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:48am - misc - by Fredgruff (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

#7101810
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7237) - you deserved it (65255)

On 01/02/2010 at 8:41am - misc - by pissfaced (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML

#7002403
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28361) - you deserved it (2075)

On 12/28/2009 at 10:43pm - animals - by DOGSNACHER (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

#6989911
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83571) - you deserved it (4747)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML

#6975608
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31834) - you deserved it (4949)

On 12/27/2009 at 3:48pm - misc - by Davios - United States

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

#6842444
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39841) - you deserved it (3165)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: