About alcoholmage : I've got nothing much to say :L I occasionally find time to go on FML for reading when I have nothing to do. Uni student!
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alcoholmage's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML
by sandyseashells10 / 11/13/2010 at 1:29am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML
by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 10:29am / United Kingdom (York) / Transportation
by unknown / 11/08/2010 at 9:25pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by wow / 11/08/2010 at 1:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 7:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML
by huj / 09/25/2010 at 5:49pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML
by nackpattywhackgiveadogabone / 09/23/2010 at 7:01am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/10/2010 at 9:44pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation
Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML
by charlie043 / 09/10/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/03/2010 at 4:51pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend from the top of a bungee jumping platform at an amusement park. I yelled out, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" from the platform, pointing her out. Turns out, I was pointing at the wrong girl. My girlfriend was very angry and ran away when the wrong girl yelled, "Yes!" FML
by Ido / 08/26/2010 at 4:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by weirdesout / 06/04/2010 at 10:03pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML
by rawrrrr / 03/17/2010 at 12:01am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking with my girlfriend of a year and a half on the beach. Everything was fine until she saw a plane with a banner behind it saying "Cassie, will you marry me?" She said yes. I didn't order a plane. FML
by ManInTrouble / 03/16/2010 at 12:50am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML
by anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:49am / United States / Geek