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alchemist5

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alchemist5

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  • Number of visits : 6974
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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alchemist5's page activity

Visits<b>ManiBoo</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 11:27am<b>bearin</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 4:31pm<b>yourlifesmellsli</b> - the 09/08/2010 at 9:41pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 03/15/2010 at 11:17pm<b>username666</b> - the 04/30/2009 at 10:52pm

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alchemist5's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

#2822887
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87752) - you deserved it (9961)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:39am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33218) - you deserved it (144814)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

#1466459
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18611) - you deserved it (89486)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

#1221621
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25472) - you deserved it (37018)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95273) - you deserved it (38987)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

#966838
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17750) - you deserved it (85793)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by seussical65 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

#887533
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63167) - you deserved it (14100)

On 04/09/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38635) - you deserved it (129780)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
930 comments

I agree, your life sucks (355287) - you deserved it (38858)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

#794025
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71175) - you deserved it (18424)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

#774931
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (168521) - you deserved it (27395)

On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML

#706614
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29593) - you deserved it (75650)

On 03/30/2009 at 6:17pm - work - by Donzai (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

#677461
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102523) - you deserved it (22327)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:03am - love - by engaged (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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