About alana717 : Life's confusing.
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alana717's favorite FMLs
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a tennis match and it was really hot. I took off my shirt to cool down. A member of the staff then tapped me on the shoulder and told me that my "bare breasts might offend someone." I'm a man. FML
by bennyp77 / 08/31/2010 at 1:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
by Bailey / 08/22/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids
by thatsucks4u / 08/13/2010 at 8:56pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML
by joe / 08/08/2010 at 3:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
by Indigo_Kitten / 08/07/2010 at 9:05pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML
by Anonymous / 08/07/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, while driving I made a fake phone call with my fake boyfriend, making him sound amazing to my friends who were in the car with me. Until the red and blue flashing lights pulled up behind us. My fake boyfriend cost me $160 in real fines. FML
by Anonymous / 08/07/2010 at 7:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
by 8to10days / 08/05/2010 at 7:14am / United Kingdom / Money
Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
by Cheated / 08/03/2010 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML
by lifeguard down / 08/01/2010 at 12:23am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by Not So Smart / 07/23/2010 at 7:47pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
by thanksmom / 07/19/2010 at 8:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML
by betrayed / 07/19/2010 at 1:36pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
- Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had… Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need… Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she…