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Today, I was driving ome from college wen I saw a couple of sporty cicks jogging on te side of te road. I onkd at tem and yelld suggestively as I do at college, wic usually gets a fun flrty reaction from college grls. It was my next-door niegbor and er 11 year old daugter. FML
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a ( quiet brthday with some friends, ) what I really meant was ( hring a stripper to jump out of a cake. ) FML
Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wantd to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticd that I hadn't startd the vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, I received a letter saying tat I was accepted into university an tat I qualified 4 a number of scolarsips. Too bad an equivalent sum of money will be spent fixing te car I it, after spinning out on ice, wilst driving ome from said university. FML
yesterday I arrived at my apartment to fine the door kicked in. Inside, I found my TV, Xbox, stereo, CDs, and laptop had all been stolen. When my roommate got home, I told him about it, to which he replied, "Yeah, I left my keys inside this morning, so I kicked the door in to get them." He left with the door kicked in. FML
Today , I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I putted my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML
Today, I Woke Up At 2:30 AM. Tinking I Was Going To Be Late Fir My 3:30 AM Fligt, I Rused Into Te Batroom To Sower. As I Came Out Of Te Sower, I Slipped And Broke My Arm. I Ten Realized My Fligt Is Tomorrow. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me to meet is friends at one of is exclusive ( clubs. ) Expecting it to be is old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of te Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML
Today, I realized y husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day fir the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could fine out when would be the best time to have his grlfriend over and cheat on me. FML
Friday 27 March 2015