About ajh557 : I'm da best and not cocky at all.
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ajh557's favorite FMLs
Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML
by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 12:59am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML
by unpatriotic / 07/04/2013 at 9:13am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML
by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 1:50am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous
Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML
by really? / 05/28/2013 at 4:09am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML
by pianoplayer / 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML
by Brenden / 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by FML136969 / 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
by ADickySituation / 05/05/2013 at 12:14am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
by emasculated 10000% / 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm / Sweden (Kronobergs Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML
by fuck you walmart / 04/26/2013 at 6:03pm / United States / Work
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm / United States / Love
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…