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Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32525) - you deserved it (1826)
On 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by pianoplayer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33036) - you deserved it (5552)
On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)
Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29932) - you deserved it (16486)
On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45535) - you deserved it (3693)
On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
I agree, your life sucks (44139) - you deserved it (6073)
On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)
Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40381) - you deserved it (2461)
On 04/26/2013 at 6:03pm - work - by fuck you walmart (woman) - United States
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68897) - you deserved it (3077)
On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (52252) - you deserved it (6809)
On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38065) - you deserved it (3631)
On 04/19/2013 at 1:07am - work - by lamelifeguard - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (37426) - you deserved it (16751) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/12/2013 at 8:14pm - kids - by xx-look-at-xx - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)
Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31463) - you deserved it (1686)
On 04/05/2013 at 12:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I had my first game ever as an ice hockey goalie. Our team didn't have a goalie helmet, so they gave me a regular one which didn't cover me completely. I was worried about it and told my coach, but he said I would be fine. I then took a puck to the throat that sent me to hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34900) - you deserved it (3950)
On 04/04/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34641) - you deserved it (4441)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30681) - you deserved it (1756)
On 03/12/2013 at 6:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30499) - you deserved it (2039)
On 03/11/2013 at 3:57pm - misc - by Sir_ND_Pity - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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