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Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35142) - you deserved it (6944)
On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
I agree, your life sucks (33629) - you deserved it (6516)
On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23163) - you deserved it (3234)
On 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by wow babe - United States (Maryland)
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23677) - you deserved it (2154)
On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15424) - you deserved it (1892)
On 11/16/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by grocerystalker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23915) - you deserved it (4080)
On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)
Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22112) - you deserved it (2963)
On 11/06/2012 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Ugggggggggg (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22112) - you deserved it (2963)
On 11/06/2012 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Ugggggggggg (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20470) - you deserved it (4602)
On 10/28/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Ceej - United States (Michigan)
Today, I walked into my room, only to find my 15-year-old brother violating my old teddy bear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16640) - you deserved it (1196)
On 10/21/2012 at 2:54pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML
I agree, your life sucks (15349) - you deserved it (1904)
On 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm - misc - by tempted to become single (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27245) - you deserved it (2248)
On 10/20/2012 at 4:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26032) - you deserved it (4198)
On 10/08/2012 at 10:07am - intimacy - by bucollegegirl (woman) - United States
Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (15496) - you deserved it (3163)
On 05/01/2012 at 9:58am - work - by Nice (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30977) - you deserved it (1610)
On 01/22/2012 at 12:09am - kids - by thosedamnkids (man) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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